


Maybe our odds are in our favor

by Fujoshi_heaven



Category: Haikyuu!!, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: 25th Hunger Games, Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Angst, Because plot, District 1, District 11, District 2, Enemies to Lovers, Homophobia, Hunger Games, Hunger Games Tributes, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'll continue tagging as the story progresses :), M/M, Slow Build, i guess they were kind of enemies, lots of death in upcoming chapters because hunger games, weird people combinations because i really wanted these characters in the story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2018-11-22 23:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11391036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fujoshi_heaven/pseuds/Fujoshi_heaven
Summary: "It can't be me.It won't be me.What are the chances?Yet here he is"Or Suga meets Daichi under not so ideal circumstances to say the least.That, however, does not stop them from falling for each other.The Hunger Games AU that noone asked for XD





	1. Preparation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I rewatched Mockingjay and I had an idea (∩◕ω◕)⊃━☆ﾟ  
> Enjoy <3

It can't be me. It won't be me.  
What are the chances?  
The number of children between the ages of 12 and 18 is huge. All his friends have at least two siblings. It's just too much people to even consider the possibility of being chosen.  
Yet, here he is.

 *

He awakes at the break of dawn to take care of the animals, as usual. They are one of the very few families that is lucky enough to have a goat and two chickens. He's in charge of them and never lets them out of his sight.  
Today shouldn't be any different.  
He never really was an early riser. It was just necessary.  
He tries to smooth his hair down, running his hands through it. As he sits up he notices that his little sister has yet to open her eyes. Like her brother, she always has morning chores, but today Koushi decides to not bother her from her slumber until it's truly time.  
After stretching and putting on his "dressy" clothes (a white button-up shirt, brown hand me down slacks from his father - the patched-up areas are easily traceable and the fabric between the upper part of his thighs is nearly ripped from the years of friction - and black shoes), he shuffled to the barn, right next to their house, letting the morning cold seep through him. In the distance, he could make out the faint crying of a crow.  
After feeding the animals he proceeded to wake his mother. He crossed the wooden aisle of his home on his tiptoes, silently praying the quite loud creaks that his feet created with the placement of the lightest of pressure on the ground sounded deafening only to his ears.  
He opens a door that leads to her bedroom and walks towards the sleeping figure laying on the edge of a once aristocratic queen-sized bed.  
He whispers next to her ear with a light shake on the shoulder.  
"Mom, mom wake up"  
Slowly abandoning her unconscious state, her eyes flutter open and she places a hand on his cheek.  
"Okay, I'm up" her voice raspy, but ever so sweet.  
It always calms him down.  
"Should I make breakfast or..."  
"You just get ready. I'll take care of everything else"  
She sends him off, even though he was pretty much prepared and had nothing else to do, while quickly moving to the kitchen after throwing a robe on.  
Her ashen blond hair, tied up in a bun and slightly out of shape from sleep matches her son’s completely. He wears his hair in a half up half down ponytail, since it is too short to properly wear up and too long to stay down without bothering him.  
After a while everyone gathers at the old kitchen table. His mother sits at the crown, with her children on her sides. They are enjoying a rich meal, eating and drinking anything their hearts desire. They each have a big plate in front of them, filled with olives and nuts, a fried egg, a piece of cheese and even two slices of bread with butter. Rich orange juice drenches their thirst. It's kind of a tradition to go all out on this day. His mother will cover it up by saying that she does it simply because “the customers were very generous with their tips this week", even though in reality she spends her entire savings to provide them with this luxurious meal every year, risking not being able to pay for taxation.  
It's an attempt to make all three of them forget. It didn't pay off much early on, but now it was one of the reasons he didn't go crazy on that morning, every year.  
Maybe it's because the first time for everything is always more challenging.  
His sister hums in approval, stuffing herself with food.  
"Mom, this is great"  
"I'm glad you like it, dear"  
No-one looks up from their meal, making sure to wipe even the smallest traces of oil with the bread, relishing every bite.  
The door to their garden is open, so that the autumn breeze provides them with coolness. The sun had risen completely, signaling for life to bloom again in the forest in which their house was located. One could smell the growing grass, wet after last night’s rain, the fat droplets occasionally slipping from the tree leaves and splashing on the ground forcefully.  
He loves this.  
But this year he couldn't shake this feeling. This strange slowly suffocating tightness around his throat accompanied by a persistent tenseness weighing on his shoulders. He tries to convince himself that it's probably nothing and that he's just extremely anxious.  
And he had every right to be.  
Every year, in the grand assembly at the district square he feels his heart jumping out of his chest as the name of the male tribute is announced. When he was fourteen, a boy named Sugawara Tetsurou was called and he almost had a nervous breakdown because they shared the surname and he was sure that they were going to say "Sugawara Koushi"  
But they didn't.  
So he can only reassure himself that he is safe.  
It's one name amongst hundreds. They will never pick him.  
They finish up quietly. Having a full stomach was good for a change. The last time they ate three wholesome meals in a day was probably way before he was old enough to be a tribute.  
Now they wait.  
The idle conversation between his mother and sister slowly fades away, as he loses himself in his thoughts.  
His rather pessimistic and desperate thoughts.  
Like every time, when the bells of the local chapel ring throughout the district, all boys and girls between the ages of twelve and eighteen will meet at the central square, where two tributes will be randomly chosen to compete in this year’s Hunger Games. Every district sends a young man and woman to represent their homeland in a kill or get killed survival game, with only one winner coming on top.  
This annual happening occurred as punishment of the twelve districts that rebelled unsuccessfully against the Capitol, the heart and capital city of Panem.  
If luck was by his side, his name would not be mentioned and he'd only have to worry about this nerve-wrecking process two more times.  
 _It can't be me._  
 _It won't be me._  
 _I don't have to worry._  
Yet, here he is, fidgeting and messing with the end of his shirt with his fingers, like the first time when he was twelve and scared out of his mind again.  
He really didn't know the reason of his uncontrolled nervousness. He thought that after four times he would know that getting worked up won't do anything to solve the problem.  
Actually, he can't do anything to solve this problem.  
One of his biggest worries is his sister. She is barely 11 years old and if he got chosen, if he died, she would be left by herself.  
It's not like his mom wouldn't keep her company and raise her to become an amazing person, but it'd be different if he weren't around.  
He was the one that beat the children that made fun of her to a pulp when they were younger.  
He was the one that told her funny stories and hugged her to sleep during the winter, when the cold would make it impossible to move and they were wrapped up into the only blanket they had, because they sold the rest to buy bread and salt.  
He was the one who listened to her cry her eyes out on his shoulder when their father died of hunger two years prior.  
It's always been Koushi and Suzume. It can't be just Suzume.  
His mother's delicate hands landed on his shoulders, returning him to the present and rubbing small circles to distract him.  
"Koushi..." she offers, her voice tinged with a barely noticeable reprimand.  
He knows...  
He's acting like a spoiled, ungrateful child. They've been over this so many times.  
Worrying will only make matters worse, both for you and those around you.  
Meaning his family.  
Meaning Suzume.  
He can't afford to be miserable. What will she think?  
If he's unhappy she's unhappy and vice versa. That had never changed since the day she was born.  
That would also explain her own antsy behavior and glances to her older brother that aren’t unobserved.  
But he can’t look her in the eye. Not with all the panic flooding his chest.  
"I know..."he murmurs, staring out the small window over the sink, into the void.  
 _It'll be fine._  
He turns to his mother and his honey-brown eyes meet hers.  
"I know" he repeats more confidently, although he didn't succeed in convincing himself that everything is going to work out.  
He gazes at Suzume and she flashes him a reassuring smile. He imitates her expression.  
 _It'll be fine_  
 _It'll be fine_  
 _It'll be fi-_  
Loud chimes shake him out of his thoughts and he flinches.  
"I'll put away the dishes. You two go" his sister steps away from the table abruptly.  
Koushi gets up and approaches her, wrapping his arms around her back and burying his nose in her hair. She hugs back tightly, her head resting securely on his chest. He knows that she can probably hear his heart thumping in an insanely fast rhythm, but nothing is mentioned about it.  
"Onii-chan..." the sound is muffled by his body.  
"Yeah?"  
"There will be soup ready when you get home, okay?"  
He blinks away the tears before they have a chance of falling down his cheeks.  
"Okay", he whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or kudos if you wish!  
> Tell me what you think about mah stuff ^_^  
> Next chapter will be with you in a week :)


	2. Selection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't read the books so if the procedure is a bit different from the original story forgive me :P  
> ^_^

The walk to the square is relatively short, but right now it feels like an endless journey. Koushi drags his feet as slowly as he can manage, hoping that he would miss the annual reaping if he presented himself too late. Running away has been considered as an alternative several times during the last five minutes but he knows that isn't a real option. They would find him and probably beat him to death.

He and his mother take their final turn right to a wide muddy street after entering the small town next to their home. The forest is right next to it and he can see his high school a few blocks away.

It was close to the assembly spot, after all.

Small wooden houses to his left and right are left vacant as the potential tributes walk silently accompanied by their parents and siblings.

His mother insisted that they didn't bring Suzume along, not wanting her to witness such a sight. The crowd stares apathetically every year when the chosen boy and girl move to the stage.

At the same time, family members wail and scream in desperation.

Koushi didn't even try to object to this in the past, although he wants to hold her hand during this walk every year and hear her say stupid jokes that she had just made up to take their minds off everything like she always does.

Right now he would like to hold anyone's hand. But he couldn't do that. He's sixteen, he's not a child anymore. He doesn't have the right to hold onto anything.

Though he wishes he did.

They’re almost there, the two separate lines for registration are easily visible and his pulse quickening at an alarming rate.

_What's wrong with me? I've done this so many times_

His stomach's tied into a heavy knot that refuses to allow him to come to his senses. His mother places a hand on his shoulder and he immediately tenses.

"Koushi" her tone is stern, trying to convey some of her encouragement to her obviously very upset son.

"I'm fine, mom" he chokes out staring her dead in the eyes.

_Stop it or I'll cry_

Her lips twist upwards slightly. She is fully aware of his frantic state, but chooses to not comment on it.  The sound of his name coming out of her mouth has always been enough to discipline him.

To be fair, she knows he didn't do anything wrong, but she also can’t provide the compassion he needs so much. Saeko Sugawara is not a tender woman. Her adoration for her children is never-ending, however she can't seem to bring herself to prefer cuddles more than tough love.

She hugged her son more frequently in the past, but the nights spent crying silently after her husband's death, using a pillow to muffle her voice so that her children won't wake up, the days on which she gave them ice that hung from the roof of their house to suck on and drink for breakfast because there was no other way of forgetting their hunger didn't let her anymore. Koushi is her rock, he never stopped working, trying his best to be responsible and take care of her and his sister.

In contradiction to the image of her son in her mind comes the paleness covering his face reminding her that he is still a teenager. A petrified boy.

Her kid is petrified and she can't do anything about it.

That is why she can't handle being tender anymore. If she gets tender now she will cry. And then Koushi will cry.

She has had a bad feeling about this ever since he woke her up this morning. She doesn't know why, but it's there, like a shadow, hidden in her son's eyes and his every little move.

_They both feel like something terrible is about to happen._

Suddenly they are there, right at the end of the line, the place where they always share their goodbyes, almost knowing it's only for a little while.

But this time might not be the same.

She draws him into her arms, their cheeks resting on one another. He squeezes her lightly, and she tightens her grip.

Eyes lock and smiles fade when her blue vibrant orbs shine into his slightly dull ones.

"I will see you when it's over"

He nods and they part ways. 

 

*

 

Registration was quick and he takes his place in a chaotic mass of boys and young men, far away from the stage in front of him. There are two big glass bowls filled to the brim with pieces of paper that contain the names of all the children in his district; one for the girls and one for the boys.

Everyone seems to have taken their place and it's about to begin.

Koushi can feel his mother's penetrative stare, can sense the heavy aroma of fear lingering in the air. He hasn't seen any of his friends while waiting in line and can’t stop himself from worrying.

How his friends' presence is going to save him from this is beyond him. He's just looking for a familiar face. After all, he isn't the only one in agony of eminent doom crashing upon him and, although sickening, he is content that he isn’t facing this alone. But he can't make out anyone from the crowd, as much as he cranes his neck to see further into the front part of the formation. Or maybe he just can't clear his head enough to scan the area carefully with his eyes. He might not see them, but he knows they are here somewhere.

In the past, he thought that he would place his friends and family above everything else, giving it his all to save them and make them happy.

It’s astonishing how fear can turn people against each other, it crosses his mind, as wishes like “anyone except me would be fine” flood his mind.

Everyone goes silent, waiting the escort of the district to make an appearance and pick a name from each bowl and determine who will go to the Hunger Games. A few murmurs spread across the humid atmosphere. It is almost noon and although autumn is well in, there is no breeze and the sun is blazing over their heads. Somewhere in the distance an occasional sniffle could be heard.

He takes a deep breath to steady himself.

_It'll be fine_

_The chances of me getting picked are so low I should probably not even worry_

He takes another breath.

Breath, after breath, after breath, after breath.

"Welcome everyone, to the reaping of the 25th annual Hunger Games!" a loud voice booms and makes Koushi's heart travel to his throat. The voice itself is quite high pitched for a man and as he turns his focus to him he finds out that his stature is quite a small one. The escort this year appears to be of medium height and weight and lacking stage presence, to say the least. His movements were stiff and the slight smile on his face revealed his awkward character. Big thick framed glasses hang high up his nose - so noticeable that Koushi could see them from about twenty meters back.

He stands between the bowls and fiddles with his microphone on a base that travels up to his nose. He adjusts the height and coughs lightly.

"My name is Takeda Itetsu and I am this year's escort of district eleven."

Although he is assisted by speakers, Koushi still finds it hard to decipher his words. Each sentence starts off strong, but fades away towards the end. Not that he doesn't know what Takeda is talking about. It's the standard yearly speech given by the assigned escort, praising Capitol and the constitution of the Hunger Games. He has read it in his textbooks at school and heard it so many times it's been stamped in his mind at this point.

Beads of sweat trickle down his spine as he awaits for him to finally get on with the _actual reaping process_. Bits and pieces of the escort's words reach his ears as he fights to stay calm.

"...are very excited to have..."

_It'll be fine_

"...the Capitol thanks you for your continuous efforts..."

_It'll be fine_

"...the Hunger Games are here to remind the districts..."

_It'll be fine_

"...we wish you the best of luck..."

Nursery rhymes he used to sing to his sister come to his mind. He recalls the melody but all the lyrics have left him. He tries to hum the tune, but his mouth is dry.

"And now, we shall choose this year's tributes for district eleven!"

They always start with the girls. He is torn between praying for no-one who he knew to be called upon and praying for someone strong to get picked, so that he can have a competent teammate in case he goes with them as well. After all, most of the victors didn't make it alone, but with their partner from their district.

He doesn't have time to make the decision as Takeda shoves his hand into the bowl to his left, going elbow deep and coming out with a small piece of paper.

He approaches the mic.

"The female tribute of district eleven for the 25th annual Hunger Games is Shimizu Kiyoko-san!"

Koushi doesn't even recognize that name.

A delicate figure walks across the space between the two teams. Her hair is pitch black and reaches to her shoulders, contrasting her pale complexion. She wears a light blue dress that reaches her ankles. The distance between them is far too big to tell how she's feeling by her face.

He mentally kicks himself.

_How would she be feeling after realising that she's possibly just heard her death sentence?_

She climbs the stairs to the side of the stage, standing next to Takeda. He could almost laugh if he weren't paralyzed by his nerves. Kiyoko is about his age; however, she seems to be quite taller than the man next to her.

The escort clears his throat.

"So, Shimizu-san, how old are you?" he tries to keep a neutral, almost cheerful expression, though one can tell the pity in his voice.

"Seventeen" she replies, standing completely still.

"Wonderful, wonderful. Let's move on with our male tribute!"

_Oh God_

He thinks about bursting into a run, right here, right now, but he can't seem to move his limbs. He wants his sister and mother. He wants to hide. He wants to go home.

He doesn't want to go away.

His insides are about to explode, leaving nothing but three words in his heart, ringing inside of him like a chant.

_Please not me_

_Please not me_

_Please not me_

_Please not me_

_Please not me_

"The male tribute of district eleven..."

 

_Please_

_"..._ for the 25th annual Hunger Games..."

 

_not_

"is..."

 

_me_

"Sugawara Koushi-san!"

 

 

_Oh God_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you but I'm really digging the whole Suga-Kiyoko friendship ;)  
> Until Monday frens :)


	3. Separation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I know I was supposed to update on Monday but the chapter is finished and (mostly) edited and I just couldn't wait XD

"Sugawara Koushi-san!"

_No_

"Come on up here!"

_No way_

_There's no way_

All colour leaves his cheeks as he walks to Takeda.

He can't believe this.

The crowd opens up to let him pass, giving him looks of compassion, trying to mask the relief bubbling inside them. Koushi can't blame them. In fact, he would do the same thing if he were in their shoes.

But he's not.

He's the male tribute of the 25th annual Hunger Games.

His legs refuse to move fluently and he stands next to Kiyoko like a lifeless, stiff block. They share a look, her glassy gray eyes piercing his. His gaze turns to the rest of the safe teenagers, the boy desperately trying to find his mother's head of fare hair.

"Sugawara-san, how old are you?" he barely hears Takeda addressing him.

"Sixteen" he doesn't even recognise his voice as he replies. Up close, the escort is much shorter than Koushi initially assumed. His height barely reaches his jaw.

"Splendid! District eleven has very good chances this year! Everyone, I present to you your tributes for the 25th annual Hunger Games!"

He joins the two teens' hands and raises them in the air, knowing very well they are in too much of a shock to do it on their own even if he asked them to.

Everyone salutes them, raising three fingers in the air, a sign of solidarity and anger towards this whole thing.

And that's when Koushi sees her. 

He can't tell if she's crying due to the distance between them, although her shoulders seem to be shaking slightly. 

Everything she has ever said to him comes to his memory and he wonders if the conversation they are about to have in the private vehicle that will transfer him and Kiyoko to the Capitol will be their last.

Normally the "performance" should end by now, but the escort opens his mouth again, before the mass of now safe from reaping children has a chance to disperse.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we might be over with our procedure, but I have important news to carry to you from President Snow himself."

The square erupts in concerned murmurs.

"Settle down, please." Various peace keepers surrounding them bark threats and silence falls heavy.

"As you all know, this year we mark the 25th anniversary of the Hunger Games. In order to celebrate there will be a little twist in the event."

Koushi's heart sinks to his stomach.

_How could they possibly make this worse?_

"This special edition of the Games, the Quarter Quell, has a specific rule. Every tribute will not be competing with the respective male or female from their district, but will collaborate with one person that does not come from their homeland. That means that Sugawara-san and Shimizu-san will not be competing together..."

Shouts of protest cover Takeda's voice and fade only once heavy rifles are turned to every member of the crowd to enforce quiet.

 _So much for Peace keeping,_ Koushi can't help thinking.

It doesn't really matter to him. That black haired girl really seems nice and would make an excellent partner, but whatever twist there is, it doesn't take away the fact that this might be his last day in his home.

He had a bad feeling about this and he was right to do so.

He feels so _numb._

"They will not be competing together, but with a randomly assigned tribute from another district. It is not obligatory that a team consists of a young man and woman. That is all."

Kiyoko slips another look at Koushi, like saying goodbye.

 _Good luck,_ he tries to convey with his eyes.

"Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favour!"

 

*

 

They get ten minutes with their families before they are sent off.

He has so much he wants to say, but _there's no time._

The mini van barely has space for himself, his mother, Kiyoko and her parents.

Fear washes over mother and son as they grip each other tightly by the elbows.

He lets panic take over his body.

It is evident that she has been crying, but right now she puts on a brave face for him. 

"Koushi" she shakes him slightly.

He must tell her. He must tell her before it's too late.

"Mom, I...just...take care of Suzume and the animals...sell-sell my clothes and my bed if you have to...and...tell her that I love her..."  
"Koushi" she interrupts.

There she does it again. He really doesn't have a clue how that little word can have so much power over his actions.

"Yeah?"

"I will take care of Suzume and I will tell her you love her but I will _not_ sell anything that's yours because you will need it when you come home, okay?"

She takes his head in her arms, stroking his hair.

"You will come home, okay?"

He nods weakly.

"Promise me"

He can't do that. He wishes he could, but unfortunately he can't.

She pulls her son's face so that it is right across hers and cupped in her hands.

"Promise me, Koushi"

However, he also can't say no to her.

"I promise" he whispers.

''Good'' a smile flashes his way 

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I love you"

They embrace each other for what he believes is the last time and the words he craved ever since his father breathed his last breath finally fill her ears.

"I love you too, baby." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...that's it...  
> It's a wee bit small, but y' know *inserts idiom about how small things are good*  
> Please comment your impression on this story!  
> chapter 4 will be with you sometime before Tuesday <3  
> Ja ne~


	4. Transportation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hands you chapter*

Koushi and Kiyoko find out soon enough that, the designated van will be their means of transportation until they arrive at the train station, where they will complete the rest of their journey to the Capitol by train.

They sit across Takeda, who tries to make himself comfortable on his large seat and flashes the occasional encouraging smile.

He looks out the window to the rice fields stretching across the valley. The sky mingles with the grassland, mixing shades of blue with pure green.

District eleven is in charge of agriculture, supplying the whole of Panem with rice, corn and cotton.

His family is an exception to the rule, the only people who live so close to the woods -practically _in_ the forest- and who do not own any land. 

His eyes follow the workers who are no bigger than dots, losing them and finding new ones as the vehicle moves, setting everything outside of it in motion.  

"So" the escort almost squeaks, "do you kids have any siblings?"

"No" Kiyoko croacks, tears evident in her tone, but no-one consults her.

"I see...how about you, Sugawara-kun?"

Koushi locks eyes with him, not even trying to sound polite.

"I have a little sister"

He has no obligation to like this person. This person hand picked him to get executed.

_Literally._

"Oh, how nice! And how old is she?"

A glare is directed to his way and Takeda flinches slightly.

"She's eleven"

"Ah..." the man laughs nervously, sensing the hostility in the boy's aura.

"So next year she..."

"Yes" he is cut off.

A victor is safe from future reaping, as are their siblings and future children. If Koushi wins, Suzume will never have to go through this nightmare. However, if he fails to come out on top, there is a probability his sister will face the same fate as him.

And that makes his stomach churn.

How dare he ask him about his family and personal life? What nerve does it take to pry on someone else's matters under these circumstances?

No further attempt at conversation follows after that and a few minutes later they board the train to Panem's capital city. The train seems quite minimalist at first, but upon taking one step inside, the two teenagers find themselves stunned at the luxurious wagon, decorated with colourful furniture and wide windows. A buffet is set at the left side, filled with meat, garnishes, salads and desserts that a district eleven resident would never ever recognise. Sure enough, both of the tributes have no idea what their eyes feast on.

The smell of seared meet, spices and steaming potatoes pierces their nostrils nevertheless and Takeda offers them two dishes with an excess amount of appetizers, stacked on top of each other and ready to fall.

"Eat up and your mentor will be with you in a while" he remarks and quickly exits through a small door.

Both of them plop down on the velvet red couch, plates placed on their laps.

As he does so, his movements are restrained, as if someone has glued his arms to his sides and tied his legs together. He does not even glance outside, focused solely on his food, which he has no intention of eating, fearing that he might not be able to stomach it in his state of mind.

Kiyoko must be feeing the same way, since he spots no motion in his peripheral vision.

Suddenly, poppy fields appear in the scenery as the engine of the convoy roared, sliding them into motion.

"Where do you live?" the girl's query brakes the ice, as Koushi meets her stare.

"My house is where the forest begins"

"That's why I've never seen you at the market" she mutters almost to herself.

People his age work, collecting the crops and often selling them at the district's local markets.

Since neither of his parents cultivated the earth, he mostly assisted them in housework and their barn.

"What about you? I haven't seen you at school either"

"I'm home schooled" she answers flatly.

"Oh"

He wracks his brain to come up with something to say, without success.

Silence.

He lifts what looks like a mini cheese tart to his mouth when the door connecting their wagon with the next slamms open and the snack falls of his hand, revealing a tall, muscular man in his early twenties.

"Hello, young tributes!"

His devious smile does not falter, even when he lays eyes on the shocked expressions on Koushi and Kiyoko's face.

He stands proud, towering above them.

"So, what do we have here? Tell me your names"

They introduce themselves and watch in disbelief as he lights a cigarette, blowing a ring of smoke in the air.

"I'm Ukai and I'm your mentor. I will tell you about some stuff that you should watch out for, but I'll also let you in on a secret" he says with a conspiratorial tone having both boy and girl unconsciously leaning forward to listen.

He sits on a nearby armchair, propping his elbows on his knees.

"It takes a shit load of luck to win the Hunger Games"

Whatever hope gleamed in their eyes faded away at the sound of those words and it hits Koushi for the millionth time this day.

_The odds are not in my favor._

"Unfortunately for you, I'm no lucky charm. _However,_ I will give you all of the survival skills you need to have a chance of coming out alive."

He rests his back on the soft cushions and stares into space.

"Five years back, when I won, things were much easier. They didn't have all this _technology_." his nose wrinkled as if he tastes something sower. "They couldn't control what happened in there. There were times when the Games lasted more than a week. Hell, mine lasted a month!" he exclaims. "But now...Now it's different. If it goes on for more than three days everyone thinks something's off. The organizers have so much power over what happens. They control the weather in the arena, they track you down...they practically force you to bump into each other. You " _just happen_ " to meet at the same spot for water."

He looks at them like he expects them to relate to the situation. The truth is that his rant only forces their throats to go drier and their expressions are a clear indicator of that.

"I'm rambling..." he runs a hand through his unruly blond hair.   


Koushi internally sighs. He really didn't picture his mentor to be like this. Ukai looks so laid back, as if nothing he can do will contribute to their survival. He is supposed to help them, support them and instead he starts off by diminishing himself and not taking his duty seriously. 

_Is he even going to give them any good useful advice?_

"Anyway, I found out who your teammates will be"

That sends a jolt of energy through Koushi's body. He has completely forgotten about that.

"You both have pretty good people. Shimizu, you will be teamed up with Oikawa Tooru. He's from district two and he's pretty much your age."

He has heard of Oikawa before. That boy who swore vengeance on national television because of his older sister's death at the Games when he was just thirteen. He promised to win for her and now he's been chosen to compete this year.

Now that's a hell of a coincidence.

It's really no surprise that he represents his district. Everyone loves a good show and no-one dares question the Capitol's actions.

Especially if they intend to accuse President Snow of setting up the reaping at district two.

"Sugawara, you get Sawamura Daichi. He's sixteen."

"What district?" 

"One"

District one.

The Capitol's best friend.

They manufacture luxury items such as jewelery. Their wealth compared to his home district is unimaginable. As a consequence, they are in the capital's good graces. To say that their relationship is friendly would be an understatement.

People of the city love to decorate their homes with district one's products.

The last thing he needs right now is a rich, manipulative guy with him. He stops his train of thought, reminding himself that not all people from the same district are of the same demeanor. Images of the previous ten blood-thirsty tributes brutally slaughtering whatever comes to their path to win, however, tend to convince him otherwise. They often formed alliances, taking advantage of the weak links by harboring them and once they've managed to be the last group of people standing, they kill their so-called friends.

He understands that a team with more than two members will eventually lead to betrayal, though that doesn't stop his blood from running cold, considering the possibility of getting murdered in his sleep after Sawamura would "offer" to take the first watch at night.

"You will be staying with your assigned partners during your one month training in Capitol. Rest up, we'll be there in about two hours" he slowly gets on his feet, cracking his back.

And he is left with Kiyoko.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those of you who read my story and wait for my smol chapters that make the plot progress like a tortoise I honestly don't know how you do it  
> see you on Saturday <3  
> p.s. if you spot any grammatical errors (or plot holes or anything really!) don't hesitate to let me know :)


	5. Arrival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a warning there might be some tragic mistakes in there (i am too lazy to edit on time [ ﾟ ³ ﾟ] i'm so sorry)   
> they will be addressed and taken care of soon XD

"...gawara-kun..."

"...Sugawara..."

"Sugawara-kun"

He jolts awake, suddenly hyper-aware of his surroundings.

_When did I close my eyes?_

His focus falls on the figure that pulled him from his dreamless sleep.

"Takeda-san..."

"Please get ready. We have reached the Capitol" said the escort, looming over the boy.

Koushi looks around and finds that Kiyoko has abandoned her seat next to him and is nowhere to be seen. Either she or Takeda or Ukai (probably Takeda) had the courtesy to take his food from his hands and lay him down across the sofa. Legs sling over the edge and hands rub lazily on eyelids as the two share a look.

He tries desperately to keep his temper from blowing. The fact that this man tries to befriend him and thinks that an insignificant gesture like this would patch things up between them makes him loath the escort even more, but right now he doesn't even have the energy to confront him. Actually, that isn't his intention. Turning on one of the few people assigned to provide you with support and help during this time is not exactly the smartest way to act.

"You are to be taken to the place in which you will be staying for a month before you are transfered to the arena. Shimizu-chan is right outside, come on."

He has failed to notice that the train has halted to a stop, with its doors wide open. Camera's go off and cheers flood the wagon. Various shouts of reporters trying to catch Kiyoko's attention make it clear to him that the channels of the Capitol are already there for the standard interview on the train station upon the arrival of the tribites.

He has watched this scene unfold numerous times when watching the Hunger Games.

The possibility that one day he would be the overwhelmed tribute on the spotlight, flustered and attempting to seem likable.

It is of vital importance to secure the favor of sponsors, who will pay to send medicine and food when their player of choice is in danger.Koushi knows this all too well. Neither Takeda nor Ukai have to tell him or Kiyoko that that's how this works.

Upon revealing himself the crowd erupts into cheers, wishing him good luck or to "look here!" or "smile for the camera!".

He musters a small smile as bile threatens to rise in his throat. Everyone seems ready to choke him, the flash of the cameras blurring his vision. He frantically searches for Kiyoko while making an effort to remain calm.

After all, a good first impression is extremely crucial.

"Sugawara-san, welcome to the Capitol!" a woman screeches, shoving a microphone to his face.

"Thank you" he doesn't even make eye contact with her, focusing on getting his words across by leaning into the mic.

"Sugawara!" he whips his head, eyes training on Kiyoko calling for him in the distance.

_Finally_

_"_ Come on, move it!" Ukai pushes him through the sea of people to her as queries are being shot at him.

"Sugawara-san, how old are you?"

"Are you excited to be here?"

"What do you think of this year's different way of playing the Games?"

He mumbled "no comment"as he makes it to where Kiyoko is standing.

A man with a shiny bald head greets him, almost yelling at full volume to be heard over the mass.

The camera man signals at the interviewer to begin and suddenly everyone falls silent.

"Hello ladies and gentlemen! My name is Ishikawa Takahiro and I'm here today with district eleven's tributes for this year. Please welcome Sugawara Koushi-san and Shimizu Kiyoko-san! Hello! Capitol Live is very excited to be here with you!" he finishes and turns to them.

They are surrounded by recorders and cameras capturing them in the moment with loud clicks.

"It's a great pleasure to be here, Ishikawa-san" Kiyoko thankfully takes the lead and greets him smoothly in return.

Her levelheadedness comes as a surprise. They barely spoke on their ride here and she doesn't really strike one as talkative. If anything, she seems shy.

Or maybe he mistook her indifference for bashfulness.

All Koushi manages to do is smile. He is unable to form coherent sentences knowing that _all of Capitol is watching and he might say something wrong._ Images of his mother and sister flash in his mind.

He remembers how Suzume is so polite and kind and contributes a lot in a conversation.

A strong pang of guilt eats at his stomach.

What was their last talk? Not a pointless exchange of words, their last substantial dialogue.

What was her reaction when his mother came home alone? Realisation dawns upon him as he recalls her saying that she will prepare soup for when he comes back.

_There will be soup ready when you get home, okay?_

_Why did I say "okay"?_

"So, what do you think of the city so far?"

He briefly locks eyes with Koushi but chooses not to address the query at him. Once again his "teammate" replies, joking about how the train stations look amazing.

His lungs feel like they are being crushed by his fear. He can physically sense the sweat forming on the sides of his temple, but decides against wiping it with his hand in a manner that will certainly not be elegant.

"What about you, Sugawara-san?"

His voice snaps him back to reality, leaving him in a panicked state.

_What did he just ask me?_

"Um, excuse me?" he tries weakly, eliciting an obnoxious laughter from the man.

He would narrow his eyes at him but he knows better.

"Oh my, someone is a bit nervous! Don't worry, don't worry! We will make sure that your stay at our hotel will be the best and most relaxing experience of all!"

Koushi has never been to a hotel. He has never left his district, his hometown. There is no standard set in his head as far as comfortable stays at resorts go.

They are all aware of that, yet they ignore it.

The irony is unbelievable.

"Yes, I am sure" he reassures him, finally saying something.

A few more questions go by, with things like their age and family being mentioned as part of "getting to know our amazing tributes who so bravely came here to compete at this year's Hunger Games".

"I realise that you must be exhausted from your long trip, so I will ask you one last thing. Is there some sort of skill that you have mastered and you consider a great advantage and tool for survival?"

A whirlwind full of thoughts confuses him even more, as he tries to find something, _anything_ to say.

He went to school in the morning and was loaded with obligations to fulfill until the evening. Then came homework and taking care of Suzume. Free time wasn't really a concept for people like him.

"I practice archery" Kiyoko blurs out and it comes as a shock to Koushi.

It certainly impresses Ishikawa-san.

"Ah, really?" his face alight with admiration and surprise "That will be very helpful, I'm sure! And Sugawara-san?"

Even Kiyoko is interested in hearing his response, glancing at him momentarily.

"It really is a matter of strategy, in my opinion. It is not of any importance whether one wins the Games by..."

he quickly stops himself from saying "killing" and swallows the lump threatening to jumble his words.

"using their weapon of choice or by hiding until there is no-one left. So one must be really careful and methodical."

All eyes fall on him as finishes his statement and, although it was not expected, it doesn't make the interview lose its flow.

"You're right! That's a very nice observation!" the reporter exclaims "Thank you again for staying with us and we will see you soon! I wish you the best of luck!"

Ukai pulls at both of their arms, dragging them out of the spotlight.

"Goodbye, thank you" the tributes yell across the station, having already built a distance between them and Ishikawa.

And before they know it they are in a car, headed towards the hotel that was so much mentioned.

Koushi sits in the middle, preparing to get reprimanded for his behaviour.

"Nice" their mentor comments without establishing eye contact.

"You saved your ass with that last thing Sugawara."

_Huh_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my build is so slow it could kill a man   
> I would love to hear your opinion on this story!   
> next update will be with you on Tuesday <3


	6. Acquaintance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I know it's Saturday and I said I would update on Tuesday...  
> and I have no legitimate excuse XD  
> so ya, here we go *sweats*

The Grand Hotel of Tributes is truly an astonishingly gigantic structure. Koushi can make out twelve storeys – one for each district – with balconies filled with blooming flowers. Large yellow neon letters read the name of the building right above the entrance, where two guards dressed in black suits stand by each side.

“Sugawara-kun, Shimizu-chan, move along, I have to register you to your respective rooms” Takeda calls and they follow him hesitantly.

They cross the glass doors of the resort and a huge lobby stretches out in front of them.

He watches as Takeda approaches the front desk, discussing something with a blond receptionist. She hands him two pairs of keys and in turn he gives them to Koushi and Kiyoko, who simply stand looking around, unsure of what to do or how to act.

"Shimizu-chan, your room is on the second floor. Oikawa-kun is waiting for you"

One could see the flinch on the girl's face as she opens her mouth as if to say something, but decides against it last minute.

"Sugawara-kun, you will head up to the eleventh floor. I believe Sawamura-kun is already settled in."

That's right. His new teammate from district one. He had forgotten everything about him.

Nevertheless he nods and walks to the elevator with Kiyoko.

"A servant will assist you with your needs and please be quiet so that you don't disturb the other tributes. Meet me here in three hours."

The doors slide closed and they slowly ascend, seconds away from meeting with the person who will either be their saviour or the reason they die in one month's time. He glances at Kiyoko's reflection barely visible reflection on the silver wall of the lift.

It would be nice to compete with her. From what he has seen she is quite dependable and intelligent. Then again, he might not be thinking things through. It could just be his emotions clouding his judgment because it would be reassuring to rely on someone who calls the same place as him home.

Then again, he might not be thinking things through. It could just be his emotions clouding his judgment because it would be reassuring to rely on someone who calls the same place as him home.

And he misses his home so much.

The ding followed by a female voice announcing that they are currently on the second storey makes him realise that it's time to share their goodbyes.

"Good luck" he says as she leaves him.

Alone.

With no one to be with him or make him feel remotely comfortable.

He doesn't need much. Kiyoko herself wasn't of much help.

But she is from district eleven and that was something.

"You too"

Of course they will see each other in training and their free time, but it won't be the same.

They will be accompanied by their teammates. Ukai strongly urged the two to stay close with them, since building trust is important.

Why he must become friends with someone who will likely want to get rid of him when the moment comes is beyond Koushi.

Before the elevator opening slides closed he hears a high-pitched "Shimisu-san! Hi!" and cringes.

Hope finds its way into his heart as he prays for the umpteenth time today:

_Please let Sawamura be a nice person._

Before he even has time to put his thoughts in order he is right outside his room.

His hands run through his hair and down his shirt, fixing anything that can be fixed. He takes a deep breath and pushes the key to the lock.

A total contrast between different shades of yellow and silver hits him, causing his face to slightly contort in disgust.

The room - it actually is bigger than his house, fully equipped with a kitchen, dining table and living room aside from closed doors that are probably their private chambers and a bathroom - is split in half in terms of decoration, the left side which consists of the kitchen and the dining table full of glimmering chandeliers and glass vases and the right with traditional paintings of fields in district eleven, wooden chairs and a couch with a floral fabric splayed on top of it.

Combined together, the two art styles form a cacophony to his eyes. Back home the houses are almost empty, the only ornaments that contribute to the aesthetic enhancement of a household being family photos and colourful tablecloths.

The resemblance between the side dedicated to his homeland and his actual home is chilling.

He concludes that his room is the one to his right and he moves tentatively, wondering where this Sawamura guy is.

He assumes that he must either be out doing something - what precisely he couldn't fathom- or he has chosen to ignore him in favour of providing himself (and automatically Koushi) some more spare time without forcing an unwanted confrontation that could be pushed for later. Making friends isn't really on his agenda.

He believes it is on no-one's agenda here.

Especially making friends from district one.

The bathroom is located exactly in the middle of the apartment, half the door a charcoal grey and the other half a deep brownish shade.

He briefly wonders if the toilet itself or the bathtub will also be separated, whether he will bathe on his side and Sawamura on his.

He plans to take a shower, so he will find out soon enough. Right now, however, the object of his curiosity is his bedroom.

The softest bed, newest television and most beautiful view are expected as he enters.

They owe everyone who is here at least that.

And he does find those things.

But what he also finds is Sawamura, laying unconscious on his custom made homey bed.

 

*

 

He is on his belly, his brown head of hair resting on his folded arms. His frame is slightly bigger than Koushi's, body rising and falling steadily, almost reassuringly, as he sleeps without even stirring in his teammate's presence.

Koushi is taken aback. This - _he_ \- came as a surprise. Taking a room clearly not made for himself and dosing off in it didn't even exist in his mind as a thought, or a way to behave. 

"What the hell..." he softly whispers.

His face isn't in sight, as it is buried in his arms and the boy draws nearer, in an attempt to study him closely.

He looks...peaceful.

The bedside table next to him has a card placed on top of it and he lifts it up reading its message:

_We hope you enjoy your stay here, Sugawara-san. Here are some useful telephones in case you are in need of anything._

_Front desk: 1278_

_Servant (Yamaguchi Tadashi-san):5190_

_With regards,_

_Hunger Games Organising Group_

He lifts his head, looking around, suddenly noticing the telephone right next to the written note.

If this were his room, there wouldn't be a land line installed next to his bed. Nowhere in the residence, to be precise.

Now that he thinks about it, where _is_ the servant? He imagined that they would be here, waiting for him or catering to Sawamura's wishes.

It's not that his services are wanted right now, but it still is a valid question.

His gaze falls once again on young man. Koushi stands over him at a loss.

A strong desire to lay down overcomes him and he wishes with all his heart Sawamura were more considerate and less of an insensitive person who feels entitled to everything.

Including Koushi's room.

He positively does not even think about lounging in the chamber across, feeling too out of place and homesick already.

Can't he at least have this? Something his?

He storms out leaving the door open whilst walking towards the kitchen to quench his thirst and hunger, but mostly to just explore his new place.

He crosses the thin white line entering the part designed to imitate the world of district one.

The oven and all electric appliances are state of art and everywhere he looks, his eyes stare back at him through the shiny metal on the counters, the hanging pots, the sink.

There are enough supplies to last them for the month, judging by the full cupboards and refrigerator and he prepares some bread with cheese, too exhausted for culinary experiments.

He eats absentmindedly, sitting at the small table set in a corner.

The container he had found earlier read "District 11 goat cheese", but as he swallows with difficulty he concludes it tastes more like plastic. Same thing applies to the whole wheat bread, which only suffocates him even more, rather than helping push everything down.

At least the water feels the same, except for the fact that it cools his throat, what with being in a glass bottle in the fridge.

He finishes up quickly, hurrying to take a shower before Sawamura wakes up and he can properly introduce himself.

Towels and a fresh change of clothes (a pair of grey sweatpants, t-shirt and sneakers) are placed on the washing machine, identical to the one the brown haired boy wears.

Koushi wastes no time getting in the tub, quickly scrubbing under the warm water. He always had to hurry when taking a bath, since he couldn't tolerate the freezing temperature. They couldn't -and can't- afford a boiler.

He examines the five different bottles of shampoo laid across him and picks a rose scented one. He spreads the lotion on his scalp and loose hair.

He should be done in about five minutes.

That would never be enough time for him to wake up and use the bathroom, right?

_It's fine,_ he can remember himself saying as loud stomps echoed through the apartment.

Stomps coming his way.

And his heart stops.

Okay, either he woke up and the call of nature is too urgent to wait around or he wants to start toying with Koushi from day one.

He concludes it's probably the latter.

At this point there's nothing he can do to fight back. He is naked, exposed and without any means of defense with him and he can  _ feel _ him getting closer. 

Frantic steps are now a door away and a soft breeze shakes the curtains that conceal him after the door handle jiggles and clicks, opening the door wide.

He can't help the gasp that escapes him.

And both of them stay silent.

"I-I'm so sorry!" his voice thunders in a high pitch and he clears his throat.

If he hadn't seen him earlier, Koushi would assume he was in his late twenties by the sound of him.

"It's okay"

"No! I'm sorry, Sugawara-san."

_Someone has done their homework._

He could hear the blush dusting his tan cheeks.

"It's- it's fine-"

A relatively loud slam cuts him off, leaving him hanging. 

He concludes that his search for an excuse to despise his teammate has come to a stop.

The guy is an arrogant idiot.

He literally barged into the bathroom,  _ knowing  _ that Koushi was in there to initiate small talk; though he did not try anything or insult him in any way. And his tone sounded genuinely apologetic. 

But that doesn't mean that he'll be forgiven so easily.

He finishes up and changes, preparing for the things he will hear.

For the next month, he will be living with him, eating with him, sharing a place to stay with him.

Neutrality is the best way to go, though it depends on the guy's actions.

He doesn't see him nearby when he exits the bathroom, so he makes a run to the left, hoping Sawamura got the message and backed away.

"Sugawara-san"

He turns to him abruptly, drops shooting from his silver strands.

"Hi" he forces a smile.

His face matches his body, brown eyes glimmering at him. He abandons his seat at the dining table and slowly walks towards him.

"Again, I'm very sorry about before. I didn't realise you were here and I... really needed to use the restroom. I still do, actually..."

He fumbles with the hem of his shirt, while trying to hide his stiff movements.

Koushi feels his cheeks heat up.

"It's okay, no problem." he catches himself saying before he has a chance to stop. "Go and we can...just go"

He nods curtly and practically sprints away from him.

He stands, unable to do anything else.

_What just happened?_

He plops down on the couch, waiting for him to come back and talk. About what he isn't sure, but he definitely can't leave it at this and he is positive Sawamura won't either.

After the muffled sound of the flush, he reappears, sitting next to him a good meter apart.

The silence is deafening and Koushi could practically _hear_ the gears shifting in the other's head.

"So, you probably know, but my name is Sawamura Daichi and I'm from district one."

"I'm Sugawara Koushi and I come from district eleven. And just Sugawara is fine."

They both have been told about each other, know the basics. However they are also aware of how well these pieces of information work as a way of breaking the ice.

That's all Koushi wants to do. Make their interaction less awkward.

"Do you have any siblings?" he asks.

"I have twin brother, his name is Asahi"

"Oh...that's tough" he can't think of anything else to say as Sawamura's head lowers faintly.

"I have a little sister" he offers.

"How old is she?"

"Eleven"

"That's even tougher" he replies, locking eyes with him.

"Yeah"

For some reason, mentioning his sister to him didn't trigger his anger like other times. Sawamura doesn't look at him with pity, but with understanding. He understands that the prospect of never seeing someone you love again is terrifying and he also relates to this problem.

Because he is in the exact same position.

As time passes, they talk about what people who have just met discuss over, such as their family, friends, every day life.

Sawamura lives in the richest part on his district and his parents own a very successful jewellery shop. He aspires to take over his family's business one day.

Koushi shares very little personal information, not wanting to sound too pessimistic and...well...

He just didn't want to say much about home.

Every time he answers one of the questions fired at him, he talks for a little while and for those mere seconds and meaningless yes or no answers he felt Sawamura's stare get heavier and heavier. But it's not a condescending look. On the contrary, it's a attentive gaze, pleading him to expand and generally compelled to listen.

Or at least that's what Koushi thinks.

"And the girl from your district? Did she get someone good?" he can't help asking in curiosity.

Does Sawamura know her? Are they friends?

"Michimiya? Um...she got paired up with a guy from twelve, Hinata"

The chances of Hinata being a person he was acquainted with were almost non-existent, so it doesn't surprise Koushi that that name does not ring any bells.

"What about yours?"

"Shimizu got Oikawa."

Something shifts on Sawamura's face, his brows pinching and a concerned look dancing on his features.

"Oikawa? Really?"

"Yeah...do you know him?"

If there was something sketchy about him, he could at least warn Kiyoko. She might be his opponent from now on, but in the case of Oikawa Tooru, one can't be too cautious.

There _is_ something very wrong with him, but he can't put his finger on it.

When he first saw him on TV, even when crying his heart out, his eyes gave away a malicious glare. It could just be his imagination, but the way his eyes made contact with him through the lense, the way his voice sounded earlier when Kiyoko met him up close for the first time; it just didn't sit right with him.

And apparently neither with Sawamura.

"He's from two, right? I know the story...", he trails off, hesitating to continue.

"He asked me to be his ally out there" he finally states blankly.

And that is why he was apprehensive about this collaboration from the start. An alliance is about the worst case scenario when it comes to people like him.

People whose parents do not own a jewellery shop and whose district's do not make luxury items or weapons.

Those groups consist of tributes from district one and two. However, this new arrangement could cause a different consistency.

Maybe tributes from other districts could also be accepted this year.

That makes Koushi sick to his stomach.

"And...what did you say?"

"I told him that I would discuss it with you and we would let him know"

_Discuss it with me._

_We would let him know._

"So...you want to do this together?"

He needs to know. Is he going to help him or work against him?

"Yeah, yeah...I mean...it's pretty difficult for one to do it on their on, don't you think?"

"Yes, you're right."

A weight is lifted from his shoulders at that, because he has a teammate, a person.

He isn't completely alone.

"And in all honesty I don't want to make an alliance with Oikawa" he blurts out in his rush of relief.

It's like all muscles on his body relax as Sawamura replies: "Good, because neither do I" with a smirk.

Both share a breathy laugh and the doorbell rings, startling them.

"Sugawara-san, Sawamura-san" a teenage voice comes through.

"It's Yamaguchi, your servant. Can you please open the door?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thighchi is in the house i repeat Thighchi is in the house  
> frikkin finally XD  
> From now on updates will be weekly so a new chapter will be with you every Saturday <3  
> Don't hesitate to comment what you think about my story and what's wrong with it ;)  
> Ja ne~


	7. Acquaintances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so before I begin I'd like to say that y e s I have spotted the numerous mistakes in chapter 6 (Oikawa's proposal for an alliance was so abrupt the way daichi mentioned it and repetition and various other things) and I have cringed  
> I will correct them I promise  
> oKAY HERE WE GO

Upon letting the servant in, both teens concluded that the weak, sort of squeaky voice coming out the door depicted its owner accurately.

Koushi opens up to see a boy about his age, maybe a little younger, dressed like the butlers of Capitol he watched on television and smiling nervously. His hair is splayed on top of his head in unruly strands, his face decorated with freckles all across his cheekbones and the bridge of his nose. In comparison to both of the tributes, he looks so tiny, even though he's about their height.

"Hello", he offers, standing in front of them, lifting his hand in a small waving motion.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Yamaguchi Tadashi and for the next month I will be your servant. I will clean your apartment, cook for you and...basically do whatever you ask", he gives a breathy laugh.

Koushi flashes a sympathetic smile, even though he knows that in the long run it won't be Yamaguchi  who will be in need of support.

"Thanks, it's nice to have you here."

_Anything than being alone all day with Sawamura._

In the short time that he met him, his teammate has managed to reduce Koushi's suspiciousness. However, it definitely has not faded out completely. The servant's presence makes him feel at ease.

"Great...um, so I'm just going to prepare lunch, it will be ready in about two hours."

He shuffles to the kitchen, pulling all sorts of utensils, pots, vegetables and rice, quickly getting to work.

His movements do nothing to hint what food he is making and every time Koushi has the slightest idea of what it might be, a different course of action takes him by surprise and he is left in the dark again.

"Um...", Sawamura clears his throat, drawing his attention.

He considers the possible ways this conversation might go and figures that he probably wants to justify why he was napping at a stranger's room without permission.

He is dying for an answer, for _something_ that would end Sawamura's streak of addressing every issue with success and making a solid good impression. It is not in his interests to like him, much less become his friend.

But the hypocrisy of his behaviour is nagging at him, eating him slowly and causing an uneasy squeeze at his stomach.

He wants Sawamura to save him if needed at the arena, he wants him to be willing to work collaboratively, yet he wishes no further contact. It was a given to Koushi that his teammate will do his best to keep him alive, without even understanding himself that he is obligated to do the same. The way he saw it until now, he received more than what he took. It's not a matter of skill, but it is one of sincerity and fairness.

"Sorry, got a bit distracted...any clue what he's doing in there?" he motions with his head towards Yamaguchi to change the subject before the other has a chance to bring up the previous events.

"I don't know the first thing about cooking, so almost everything involving a fire makes no sense to me", he jokes, eliciting a giggle from Koushi, who mentally sighs. He shouldn't be laughing at that.

They take their seat at the dining table across each other and everything - from the silk tablecloth to the shiny candle holders catches his attention. He also uses this as an excuse to not meet Sawamura's stare.

"So...about earlier...", the boy in front of him starts "I really didn't want to sleep on your bed, I- I was so tired when I first came that I just passed out on the first surface I could find."

He looks at him, hopeful that he would buy this story, like he's trying to hide the real reason he acted like that.

"It's okay", Koushi huffs, resting his chin on his hand.

He is absolutely right to distrust him. The explanation he just received has no basis.

Feeling irritation burning in his lungs, Koushi leaves the table, asking Sawamura to let him know when lunch is served.

He flops on his bed, facing the ceiling.

This continuous loop of horrible things happening is torturing him. Ever since he left home, he feels as if a chunk of his body has been ripped off of him, leaving him incomplete. He wishes his sister were here, so that he can consult her about...all of this.

He can't tell if this guy is genuinely good or bad, since every move he makes contradicts the one before.

Confusion grips him tight, every question he internally asks having two different answers.

In an attempt to calm down, he closes his eyes, playing every day of his life so far in his mind. His days at school, his chores, the early awakenings, the exhausting nights, the hot summer evenings out in the yard playing with other kids.

He tries to block out any unsettling memory, but even as they find their way onto his train of thought, he can't shake the yearning in the pit of his stomach for them.

Even the really scary times that haunt him sometimes in his sleep.

Anything is better than _this._

_This._

This situation is depressing, annoying, terrifying.

And he hates it.

The rest of his time goes by, until Yamaguchi yells invitingly: "Lunch is ready!"

Both boys come out of their bedrooms and take their seats at each head of the table.

Between them is a huge round plater with steaming peppers and tomatoes, emanating their sweet smell. The servant rushes over to them, placing baked potatoes, a white cheese Koushi has never seen before in slices and a rich salad glistening with olive oil, inside the white glass bowl the same cheese, chopped cucumber, tomato, pepper and olives next to the main dish.

"Today's lunch is stuffed vegetables with raisins, accompanied by potatoes, feta cheese and salad, a Capitol special", he beams. "Enjoy."

As he makes his way to the kitchen, Koushi calls him, concern thick in his voice:

"Yamaguchi-kun, what about you?"

He turns around, partly stunned, his cheeks tinged a light pink.

"Oh, don't worry! I'll eat somewhere else..."

"Come and eat with us, there's plenty of food, thanks to you. And we don't mind, right?"

He shoots a glance at Sawamura and, although seemingly shocked himself, he accepts the proposal without any complaint.

Even if he did object, he would have to deal with his roommate's rage, something he probably knows would overpower any of his protests.

"Sure! Join us!"

"T-thank you."

He sits on Koushi's left side after grabbing a plate and utensils, still quite in disbelief of what is happening right now.

"Please, dig in and tell me what you think", he remarks shyly, gesturing at the food.

It reminds him of the woods, the mixture of rice, the seasoning and the raisins along with the skin of the vegetable. Every bite melts as he chews, thoroughly taking pleasure in shoving each one down in greedy mouthfuls.

He thinks of a compliment to say.

"It's awesome, so delicious!", Sawamura beats him to it and he settles with an enthusiastic nod.

"Thank you, I'm glad you like it!"

Everyone falls into a state of quiet, until Yamaguchi pierces it with a reluctant tone:

"Sugawara-san, I'm actually from district eleven too."

Koushi's eyes widen a bit in joy.

"Really? Wow... where do you live?"

"Near the Market, but my family and I left when I was ten, so...", he trails off, a sad smile on his face.

At the mention of their common homeland, Yamaguchi's face sparks a flair of familiarity.

Maybe he has seen him before, somewhere. They're about a year apart and judging by the location of his home, they must have gone to the same elementary school.

Before he even gets a chance to wonder about why he left his district, his throat tightens in realisation. 

It's not a coincidence that most servants in the Capitol used to reside in districts eleven and twelve.

He's seen it with his own eyes.

"How come you came here?"

The question comes from Sawamura and makes the younger of the three shift uncomfortably.

Koushi wants to stretch his hands across the table and strangle him.

_Of course he wouldn't know anything about it._

"I...", he looks as if he is weighing the options in his head, whether to tell them or not.

"M-my father was imprisoned and part of his conviction was mine and my family's transferring to the Capitol and working here as a servants..."

Koushi shudders in fear.

It is not uncommon that people from district eleven and twelve (the most disposable and poor parts of Panem) are accused of a false crime and punished extremely harshly for the benefits of the Capitol.

It has happened to people he knew, people he was close to.

His only neighbours in the forest, a man and a pregnant woman, were hauled out of their house in the middle of the night, the man's screams and his wife's wails and pleas waking him and his sister and they couldn't save them as their silhouettes were dragged on the ground, barely visible under the moonlight.

Apparently the man was charged with theft. He stole some corn from a big landholder from dsitrict one to feed his family, because they had nothing and they were going to die.

They had to listen to the physical struggle, grunts and globs connecting hard with backs and the woman's protruding belly. The couple frantically trying to persuade the men who came for them that she was in labor and that they had to wait for her to deliver, obviously wracking their minds for a way to win another night and somehow escape.

They were never seen again.

"I'm so sorry, Yamaguchi-kun."

"It's okay", it escapes his mouth in a whisper.

When in fact all three of them knew it isn't.

That, however, does not stop Koushi's heart from fluttering softly.

_He has someone from home with him._

 

*

 

They make their way down to the lobby, finding it full of chattering tributes from common districts, along with their new teammates. All of them wear the same grey outfit, only differentiating themselves by their facial characteristics.

Which makes it even more difficult for Koushi to stand out, considering his hair, now in a loose ponytail, almost match this dull colour.

Not that he wishes to be recognised.

But who would even regognise him? Everyone here is a complete stranger to him.

His eyes fall on Kiyoko, sitting in a velvet red armchair at the far corner of the room, signaling them to come closer.

"I'm Sawamura Daichi, district one, nice to meet you" 

"Shimizu Kiyoko, district eleven"

They shake hands once they are close and she looks around.  
"Oikawa is somewhere talking to a guy from seven." she states blankly.

By the looks of it most people are gathered in teams of four, meaning that they have the tendency to stay close with their compatriots.

It would definitely be wiser to stick with Kiyoko, since they would have trouble matching up against people twice their number. However that would mean Oikawa would also have to join them, what with his eagerness for an alliance.

Koushi sighs internally. He can't fully trust Sawamura and even Kiyoko is quite unpredictable.

A collaboration even among the three of them isn't as promising as one would think.

And to add Kiyoko's partner to the equation...

All of this sound so far ahead. Like this massive slaughter that will occur is at least twenty years away.

But it's not and he can't do it. He can't just make friends he's going to have to kill later on. Kiyoko could, Oikawa most certainly can and Sawamura...

"Shimizu, is Takeda here?", he is quick with starting a conversation before any awkward silence ensues.

"He told me to stay here and that the trainer will talk to us about our daily exercise."

"So he's not coming?"

"Yeah, he won't be-"

"Sugawara-kun!", he hears from a distance, turning to see who was it that wanted to see him so badly.

He isn't even slightly surprised when a lean, handsome, brown haired young man comes near him, waving excitedly.

"I've heard so much about you from Shimizu-chan!", he speaks loudly, his smile wide but hiding mischief.

"Just Shimizu is fine", Kiyoko remarks, annoyance clear in her tone.

"Right, right. Oh! Where are my manners? I'm Oikawa Tooru. I'm proud to call district two my home", he extends a hand to Koushi, who mimics the gesture.

"Pleasure to meet you. I'm Sugawara from eleven, but you probably already know that", he locks eyes with him and even though they crease from his grin, they hide an urge to tear him in half, learn all his secrets, squash him and turn him into dust.

Oikawa bursts into a booming laugh.

"Yes, I do! I met Sawamura-kun here earlier at the lobby and talked to him about us becoming...special buddies in the arena. What do you think? Us four, out there, having each other's backs?", he asks, stepping closer into his personal space.

It's as if he's sure that Koushi will say 'yes', as if the concept of being told otherwise is not even familiar to him.

"We haven't really talked about it yet, but we will let you know", he replies, spotting Oikawa's eyebrows furrow for a fraction of a second, before he returns to his usual cheerful state.

"Suit yourselves, gentlemen. I'm sure that by the end of the month I will charm you into being my allies. At least I know I have Shimizu-chan by my side!", he playfully nudges the girl's elbow, making her avert her eyes in a mixture of exasperation and fear.

Koushi hopes she will be alright with him, connecting his orbs with her mystrious grey ones in an act of solidarity.

"We'll think about it" Sawamura speaks roughly, ending the dialogue.

They wait for the trainer silently, Oikawa swiftly deserting them in favour of continuing his chat with a guy about his age with pitch black, mussed hair.

It is going to be a long month.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a bit long so strap yourselves in XD  
> *I took care of the bed situation but I left it vague for a reason ;)   
> *for anyone who's interested, the food Yams cooks is legit! It's called gemista (ge pronounced like the ye in yeah) and it's delicious (you can learn how to cook it here: http://www.mygreekdish.com/recipe/gemista-stuffed-tomatoes-peppers-and-onions/)  
> *yes I have a headcanon that Capitolean cuisine is Greek cuisine XD  
> *there will be more daisuga interaction in future chapters I'm sORRY THEY'RE APART  
> *if there is anything wrong with this story ples tell me  
> *and if you have something you'd like me to incorporate into the plot I'd love to hear about it  
> See you next Saturday <3


	8. next update

umm hey guys! 

I'm writing this as an announcement I would like to make considering the chapter updates. I will not be able to post weekly for a while...

I'm sorry I didn't post this week's chapter but after this little "break" I hope the plot will evolve more steadily and more frequently ᕙ(◔▾◔)ᕗ

Next chapter will be with you by September 9th <3

Until then :D


	9. Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'M BACK Y' ALL  
> I hope you had a wonderful summer!!  
> It's been so long, I can't wait to continue this story!  
> so, without further a due I present to you chapter 8 *bows deeply*

Once the trainer came, she explained in detail all the rules and regulations as far as the day to day exercise of tributes and the new way of playing the Games goes.

They will work out in hourly rotations every day except for weekends (unless they wish to catch up on a specific ability they lack on), undergoing training to improve their physical shape by practicing sports and to learn survival skills. Practice begins early in the morning in an underground gymnasium beneath the lobby and ends late in the afternoon. Fortunately for Koushi, it is not obligatory to collaborate with teammates in any way to complete most of the given tasks.

This year it is possible for two people to win. However, they cannot be of the same district. The only way for more than one tribute to be crowned victor is to be teamed up with their respective partner who was chosen in the beginning of the Quartel Quel.

Tributes are not allowed to leave the hotel premises, except for their weekly tours around various parts of the city accompanied by escorts and any other happening that requires their presence and includes camera reporters.

When the first day rolls in and after a sleepless night with him laying on his bed staring up at the wall, not being able to be in a calm enough state to rest, he hears a knock on his door.

With a soft creak, Yamaguchi enters.

"Good morning, Sugawara-san. It's time to wake up."

He comes near, to probably shake Koushi's shoulders but the boy saves him the trouble. He stirs lightly and turns his body to face the servant.

"Good morning.", his voice betrays his lack of sleep, as do his eyelids that are ironically now starting to droop.

"And it's just Sugawara", he corrects. Yamaguchi is the only person with whom he feels remotely comfortable. He figures that in order to establish a solid relationship they should drop the honorifics.

Even though they will most likely never see each other again after a month.

But he might as well take what he can get.

"Sawamura-san is at the dining room."

He feels a pang of irritation at the mention of his teammate. How on Earth did he manage to get up and ready at such a short notice? It wouldn't be so far fetched if it is revealed to Koushi that Sawamura himself is asking for him and it wasn't just something Yamaguchi informed him about to hurry.

Then again, the world doesn't revolve around him and Sawamura might just be fast.

He decides to believe whatever is convenient to him and his hatred towards the young man.

"Okay, I will be out in five minutes."

He dresses quickly with the same grey pants and t-shirt with yesterday and runs a hand through his hair in front of the mirror. He has misplaced his single hair tie and now has to endure this day with hair blocking his vision. Sleep deprivation hangs heavy on his features, every cell in his body screaming at him to go back to bed. With a persistent rub at his eyes, he exits his room to find all kinds of food splayed across the dining table. As he walks over the image gets clearer, slices of bread with three different jams, various fruits in bowls, tarts, milk, juice, cakes and cheese jump into the picture.

And Sawamura.

"Good morning", he greets with a fruity tone.

"Hi", Koushi responds.

He sits opposite his partner, who has moved to the side, right next to where Koushi was on their first day. Yamaguchi serves them, awkwardly passing salt or napkins that the boys could not reach. After some silent moments of juice pouring in cups and forks and knives lightly clinking on glass plates, he makes a move to leave.

"I will take care of your chambers. If you need anything else please let me know."

It only crosses Koushi's mind that he didn't ask him to eat with them, but exhaustion is keeping him from functioning properly. He makes a mental note to make it up to the young butler.

"So, did you sleep well?"

He doesn't know how he stops his eyes from rolling and sighing loudly as he looks at Sawamura and deadpans:

"Yes."

He can tell. It shows that he can tell, if his lowered gaze and fumbling give away anything.

He understands that he said something wrong, yet he makes no move to lighten the air.

But whatever he would have done would have no effect whatsoever, because Koushi has decided to shut him out. His thoughts on their working together shouldn’t have been considered for more than a second.

*

 

The gym is quite spacious, considering the facilities it offers. Every activity has a designated space big enough for all tributes to exercise there at the same time, with at least three instructors. The walls are covered in a light shade of grey, full of promotional posters for the Games and sheets of paper with every person and their assigned team for the day according to the patch of color next to their name. He and Sawamura, along with a guy from district seven and a girl from district two – the yellow group - are to attend self-defense lessons first.

He quickly spots the ring, blue mats spread on the floor and a yellow sign at the side. There stands a tall muscular brunette along with…

…who Koushi identifies as Oikawa’s buddy from the other day. As he closes in, he sees the same untamed hair and proud posture. He seems to be talking to Sawamura and by the looks of it, it is a pretty one-sided conversation, with his partner simply nodding in agreement at every statement and glancing around every now and then.

Koushi excused himself earlier from breakfast, simply because he decided that the face of Sawamura was too much of a reminder that he is stuck with him instead literally _anyone_ else and that they were supposed to _work together_ to survive the Games and just by thinking about it he felt exhausted.

Needless to say, they didn't arrive at training together.

A small groan escapes him and he thanks every god out there that everyone and the trainers aren’t facing him. Oikawa might not be his problem today, but he has reason to believe he is not the only one who will cause trouble.

He arrives and all eyes fall on him.

“Hi, I’m Sugawara”, he introduces himself.

"Hey, man! Nice to meet you, I'm Kuroo and this is Arima", Kuroo remarks, gesturing to the girl next to him, who is chatting with a boy, probably from her district - Koushi can't imagine any other reason why she would be talking to him, since making smalltalk and getting acquainted to new people is quite hard considering the circumstances they're under.

Or maybe he's her friend.

Koushi doesn't care.

"I'm from district seven", he hears Kuroo saying.

There is a glimmer in his eyes, mischief dancing on his facial expressions as he speaks.

"I'm from eleven", Koushi catches his cue to talk.

Kuroo is quite taller than him, looking over him like a beast over its prey. He doesn't say anything else, although it becomes clear to Koushi that the boy would give everything to get to know a few more things about his future opponent.

He also realises that this is not the time to back down or seem unsure and wavering. He gazes right at him, ready to answer whatever comes out of his mouth, which has now formed a grin.

"Awesome mane!" Kuroo unexpectedly exclaims, carding his fingers through a patch of Koushi's wavy hair and playing with a few curls.

He barely resists flinching away.

"Do you dye it?", it comes out of his mouth, with an easily traceable mock curiosity.

Everyone knows that most people in district eleven can't even pay for their food, let alone hair dye.

Koushi is pretty sure he has never seen anyone who has dyed their hair back home.

"No, this is my natural colour", he says as casually as he can muster, never breaking eye contact.

"Wow, what do you eat at the south to get that kind of hair?", Kuroo laughs at his own joke.

_Mushrooms._

_Week old bread._

_Grass._

_Sometimes nothing for days on end._

He keeps the answer for himself and lets out a breathy laugh. He sees Sawamura out of the corner of his eye quite stiff...

...with anger maybe?

_What does he care anyway? It wasn't like he was the one made fun of._

"You talk about hair when you walk around with that bed head of yours?", Sawamura teases, jerking his head to the black mess on Kuroo's head. Apart from the smile on his lips, anyone could tell he is irritated.

Koushi feels the urge to silently curse at him for getting involved in his affairs.

Even though everything is said in a light hearted tone, it is evidently clear that there is venom hidden behind every word.

And he wants to defend himself, not be defended by anyone.

Especially Sawamura.

Kuroo fires back after chuckling and subconsciously petting down some stray black strands on his scalp:

"Whoah, easy there. You're so lucky, Sugawara! It's very difficult to find such a caring boyfriend."

All colour is lost from Koushi's face, as he stares at him with eyes slightly widening.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Sawamura almost yells and, for once, his partner is thankful that he talks for both of them.

"We're not together", he catches himself mumbling after looking away.

"Whatever, you say, lovebirds~", their opponent sing songs, right before the whistle signaling the beginning of practice blows.

All throughout the day the two boys don't even dare to look at each other. Even as they are paired, they try to do the exercise without talking and ignoring the awkward atmosphere between them.

It turns out that Koushi will have to improve by leaps and bounds in order to stand a chance against Kuroo, as he finds out during martial arts.

He guesses it's not only Kuroo that he has to work to surpass in order to survive, but small steps are better than setting unreachable goals.

With each passing drill, the guy felt obligated to show off every jump, stretch and punch, grunting exaggeratedly. He also never stopped glancing over at Koushi, then at Sawamura and smirking with satisfaction.

Trying to ignore the word _boyfriend_ that was thrown to his face, the boy focused on the burn of his muscles every time he took so much as a single step, panting heavily and falling behind constantly. The only one who stayed on his side was Sawamura, even though Koushi kept telling him that "you can go, I'll be fine". 

His limbs ache with exhaustion the first hour in and he is unable to do anything else than drag his legs to the apartment at the end of the day.

Sawamura - and even Kuroo and his teammate (and everyone else according to what he saw) - is in the same wrecked state as he is.

But he still can't forget about it.

 

_You're so lucky, Sugawara!_

 

_such a caring boyfriend_

 

He wants to throw up.

 

They open the door to find the house empty and a note left on the dining table:

_Sugawara-san, Sawamura-san,_

_I will return to prepare dinner for you at 8. Until then, help yourselves with the sandwiches on the kitchen counter._

_Respectfully,_

_Yamaguchi._

A quick look at the clock tells him it's six, meaning he has two more hours before Yamaguchi comes.

There isn't really anything he wishes to do that requires the boy's absence. It doesn't matter at all.

But the mere thought of something else, the momentary calculation of how many hours he will be with Sawamura alone is a distraction. Not a very good one, but a distraction nevertheless.

He can feel it. The change in his partner's behaviour. He isn't standing as close as he did the day before and the calm aura that usually radiated from him is gone, leaving heavy silence and distance.

At this point Koushi isn't sure this is better than Sawamura trying to strike a conversation with him and bugging him in general.

And then he remembers Kuroo's joke and he is glad they are not communicating in the slightest.

"Here you go."

A wrapped baguette nudges his arm and he turns to see Sawamura, smiling shyly at him.

With a muttered "thanks" he takes the food and moves to the couch with big strides, as far away as possible from him.

And that's when he snaps.

"I don't bite you know."

It comes as a shock to him, that the guy who wanted to be on his good graces from the moment they laid eyes on each other suddenly actively tries to piss him off.

"I know", he answers sharply, looking away. Because although he is shaking with rage, his heart is quivering.

If this goes towards the direction he thinks it's going, he is not ready.

He wants to throw up because he's not ready.

"It doesn't seem like it."

He is annoyed, probably because his teammate ignores and glares at him instead of reciprocating his friendly - to say the least -  way of acting.

Koushi can't blame him.

"It's fine, Sawamura-"

"You keep telling me that, when clearly everything is not fine", he cuts him off, voice heavy. "And it would be crazy to say it is."

He comes nearer, the only separation between them a coffee table.

"We are chosen to leave our homes and slaughter people our age because it's the only way to come out alive while other people watch us on tv for entertainment. We get paired up with complete strangers instead of our own countrymen to honor our great nation and for- for _suspense._ "

The words fly out of him, dripping of irony.

Sawamura doesn't seem like a person who has conniption fits.

 _I was never so offensive before the Games,_ Koushi can't help thinking.

People change.

Things change them.

"We are all we've got. You can't win with Kiyoko and I can't win with Michimiya and I won't let some snarky asshole lower my chances! The fact that I'm _gay_ doesn't mean that..."

Koushi stared at him at a loss for words.

_He openly admitted that he is gay?_

_Wait_

"Wait."

He raises his voice to capture Sawamura's attention.

"You like...boys?" he hears himself whisper conspiratorially.

He receives an annoyed look and a nod of confirmation that for some reason makes him let out the breath he has been holding.

_I'm not the only one._

He never talks about this. Never told anyone about this.

Because boys can't love other boys in district eleven.

That's what they told him at least, when he asked a long time ago.

He heard about stories from the progressive parts of the Capitol, such as district one. How men could love men and live together without being judged. They even take children from orphanages under their roof and raise them as their own.

He has never shown any interest in girls. He assumed it would go away when he got older and that it's something that can't be found.

However, as the years passed, he understood that there _are_ boys who love boys in his district, same thing applying to girls.

They just don't live much longer after the get caught.

It was never public, for all eyes to see. It happened at night, when heads hit the pillow and windows were sealed shut.

"Their abnormal behaviour is a sign that they are in need of time in a correctional facility", officers used to say when those people were filed as missing by their families.

But they never came back, no matter how much relatives pressed on the issue.

Some of them, though, would act as if their child were gone, not mentioning anything to the police after their sentence had ended.

And they looked relieved.

Koushi didn't want to disappear.

He must be staying silent for a long time, snapping from his trance after Sawamura addresses him a couple of times.

"Are you okay?"

Most of the anger has dissipated from his face only to be replaced by worry.

Koushi _laughs._

It's not loud, nor does it last long, but it escapes his lips anyway, ringing around the apartment.

"Yeah... I uh... I'm gay too."

He lets it out and looks his partner in the eye.

Only to find out that he's blushing furiously.

"Oh"

Sawamura averted his gaze with a fond smile.

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea we all know they're gay but just for the sake of the plot :P  
> I hope you liked it!!  
> please please please let me know if there're are mistakes (...yes, I did not beta it carefully.....again)  
> until next Saturday lovelies <3


	10. updates

hi everybody!  
First of all I would like to apologise for missing my last two updates. It really has been a hectic two weeks so I haven't had any time to write, much less write something worth your time and energy XD  
The thing is I will be having a l o t of trouble updating from now on, even though I made the grave mistake of assuming that my uploads will be on time during the year. I have to prioritize my studies because the next two years are very important for my future.  
I KNOW I SOUND WEIRD AND I'M SORRY  
But I want you to know that I am NOT giving up on this fic. I aspire to finish it and I will give you new chapters whenever I can!!  
Thank you for reading my stuff and Suga and Daichi will see you by the end of November.  
And that is a promise <3


	11. Prayer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am officially BACK FROM THE DEAD  
> Before I even start I just want to apologise for not keeping my promise regarding the last deadline (which was set like 9 months ago)  
> I hope everyone is doing fantastic<3 I hope you had an amazing Christmas and a lot of fun during the summer vacation (though technically it's not over XD). Did you do anything interesting and fun? I started listening to kpop and not even a year passed and I'm currently stanning like ten groups plz someone tell me they've fallen into the same hole so I can feel better about my situation:))))))  
> I am so so so SO glad to be back with another chapter! I can't say it furthers the plot much and it's been forever since I've written so I literally can't promise anything TT  
> I hope you enjoy<333

"Next!"

The hairdresser's voice booms in Koushi's ears, snapping him out of his thoughts. 

He has been waiting for his turn for about half an hour, unconsciously running his hands through his silver, wavy hair and occasionally rubbing small strands between his index finger and thumb.

He doesn't even like his hair. The way it falls over his eyes always gets him mildly irritated and the colour reminds him of his father's face when he layed inside of his mahogany cascet on an early Sunday morning, eyes closed and lips slightly apart, as if he wished to tell them one last thing beore he left but never got the time to do so.  


He has never let it grow this much after his father passed away. It just happened that over the last couple o months they couldn't possibly afford a trip to the barber's, since they would have to sacrifice a week's worth of food to pay fo both his and Suzume's haircut.   


Now, sitting on a leather couch, staring insistently at the clock hanging on the cold grey wall across him and watching its hands move agonisingly slow and reaching past twelve o' clock -the time of his arranged appointment-, he waits to get his hair cut.

Yamaguchi's announcement about it caught him off guard at first, but he figured that the Capitol would rather have him appear on national television and be presentable and not...

_ the way I am.  _ H e guesses that's the best way to phrase it. 

What he didn't expect is for him to be completely alone and to be taken care of by a personalised stylist. 

He and Kiyoko -as the other pairs of the rest of the districts he supposes- got updated by Takeda about their weekly schedule the night after their first day. 

After this week - which is dedicated to taking care of their appearance and fitness in general- they are to continue training for the rest of month, each day presenting something more challenging in order to help them perfect their combat skills. On Saturday night they will be attending the annual Hunger Games ball, where they will "take a night off their vigorous work and exhausting practice to get acquainted with each other and celebrate the joy of the Games". 

The words flew in such a rehearsed manner out of their escort's mouth he wanted to punch him right in the eye. 

They echoed in his ears, until he was called. 

He turns his head to see a woman in her mid twenties, dressed in tight blue pants that are ripped at her thighs and shins and a red sleeveless blouse that leaves little to the imagination. Her top matches her lipstick, that contrasts her pale complexion, but the thing that catches his attention more than anything else is her short hair, colorful and wild. 

"Sugawara, right?" her nasal voice is more tender than a moment ago, probably after seeing Koushi in this pitiful state. He is dressed in his usual grey outfit, strongly resembling a prisoner who just escaped a correctional facility. 

All he can do is nod in response as he gets on his feet and moves to her direction. 

She smiles a big smile, snickering as he is now directly in front of her. 

"Wow, give me a break man! Is there  _ anyone  _ who isn't taller than me?", the words escape her mouth with no bite, floating in the air in a juvenile tone which doesn't match her appearance. 

Koushi gathers his courage and gives her a breathy laugh. However, she is right to be in despair. This girl is positively the shortest person he has ever seen. In order to make proper eye contact with her he has to look downwards and considering he himself is of average height, one could mistake her for a child, if it weren't for her mature vibes. 

"Anyway, come in. Sorry you had to wait, I kind of slept in... but you don't have to tell Takeda-san that", she says and gestures for him to come inside with an apologetic look dancing on her face. 

"Welcome to my den! I'll make you so handsome all the Capitol girls will root for you!" 

He could almost laugh.

Without even realising, his mind runs off to Sawamura. By the time he woke up this morning he was nowhere to be seen and, according to Yamaguchi, he had left early, without eating breakfast and informing him where he was off to. 

A part of him prays he is okay, shocking him to pieces after he catches himself.

The hairdresser busies herself with arranging some scissors -Koushi wonders why would one have so many of them, since they are all used for one thing and that is for cutting- and he slowly finds his place, sitting on one of the big metallic chairs with armrests, staring at spotless mirrors in front of them. 

At the sight of his reflexion he notices the dullness in his eyes, along with the black circles under them. Ever since he left his home, he hasn't managed to close his eyes for more than a few hours, waking in the middle of the night from his racing heartbeat and a house in the forest haunting his dreams. 

He discreetly glances right and left and sees posters of men with various haircuts and make up, shooting the camera a charming look. His eyes fall on her, as she tries to decide between two hairdryers. Eventually she picks the large navy blue one and crosses the room to stand behind Koushi.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Kaori" she flashes a toothy smile, brighter than the first, as she quietly waits for him to share his own given name. 

"I'm Koushi", he remarks and their eyes meet in the mirror. 

_ This could be way worse,  _ he can't help but think. 

"So, listen, I've been given some directions about what to do with your hair, but it's not much. They just told me no weird colors and no long hair, so..." she trails off, not needing to say that she will definitely give him more than a light trim. "But other than that you can pretty much knock yourself out. Just tell me what you want and your wish is my command."

If he could request one thing, that would be to keep his hair long. 

Suzume recently got into hairdressing and she used him on several occasions as her playing doll, braiding the silver locks of hair, either placing fragrant daisies and forming a flower crown or just messing with it, much to his displeasure.

Now he would give anything to pick the stray petals from his head after she was done, evn if he was mostly tired o his long strands making him hot during the summer and blocking his vision.  


"Uh...I don't have anything in mind to be honest..."

A small pause follows as she pops the anticipated question:

"You're from eleven right?" 

Koushi nods in affirmation.

"Okay, okay, we'll figure it out together then." 

He doesn't know if he should be angry at the sympathetic tone in her voice or just accept it. 

He is far too emotionally drained to defend his district so he just goes along with it, watching as Kaori gives him an observatory look and her eyes light up.

"I got it, dude. Here's what I'll do: I'm gonna shave some of your hair and trim the upper half, so it looks like it slowly fades to the bottom. It's called wait for it...fade!" she laughs at her own joke, earning a smile from Koushi. "It sounds extreme, but trust me it's something else. It'll look like that."

She points at the poster at the wall behind them and he turns around to get a better look. 

"Okay", he finds his self agreeing. It looks quite good.

"Awesome!", Kaori beams and pulls a cloth over Koushi's chest and lap. 

She works quietly, the buzzing of the razor and the gum smacking in her mouth the only sounds that reach his ears.

Looking back into the times he's gotten a haircut, this experience is much different. In the past years it was mainly him and the barber, clipping away and done within ten minutes, though, as the first twenty minutes pass, he realises it will take a while this time. 

Kaori catches his look at the clock through the mirror and murmurs with a giggle: "I might be slow, but I'm effective. Hang in there, kid."

"It's fine, don't worry."

"You're so polite.", her breath tickles his neck." Yesterday I was called in to cut some boy's hair, he was actually your age, and the little shit wouldn't stop nagging. 'I want blond highlights'...So cocky.", she imitated with a ridiculously deep voice. She managed to pull a laugh out of him that was quickly about to fall. "I hope you kill him for me out there", she continued with a scarily serious look.

Koushi isn't sure how to respond to her little rant, even though he is one hundred percent sure about who this person might be. The fact that they share a hairdresser shouldn't bother him, although it settles in his skin with an annoying prod, reminding him of his vibrant presence.

Oikawa has a tendency to do just that. 

He settles with silence, even though he knows he can do better than that.

She knows too.

"Not very talkative, huh?"

"Sorry, I'm just a bit tired", he lies through his teeth.

Silence.

"You're not tired. You're scared out of your fucking mind. I get it. Well, I don't get it, but you got every right to be mad or mean or, for God's sake, quiet. Even that other guy does. All of you are going to die, except for two lucky bastards, maybe just one. I joke about it, but it's because jokes make me forget that most of the people I see will die."

She avoids mentioning that Koushi will most likely also die. 

Again he is dumbfounded. This hair appointment feels more like a therapy session.

However that doesn't mean he doesn't understand what she says.

"I...know." 

"I know you know, dude. You're the type who knows."

She is done with the shaving and the image he sees in his reflexion does not even remind him of the target look. But Koushi doesn't mind, even if it doesn't work out in the end. However, she seems confident, glancing every once in a while at her work in the mirror and continuing meticulously.

"How old are you anyway?"

He suddenly feels even more thankful towards her. Anything to distract him from his thoughts right now. 

"Sixteen"

"Aw, man, I'm getting old. I'm twenty four. Born and raised here in the Capitol, where all dreams come true", she doesn't even bother to lace her voice with irony. "I was hired two years ago and I styled the Games last year."

Koushi remembers watching last year's host commenting on the "beautiful work on this year's outfits" and " the amazing potential our new stylist holds". 

Two weeks later word got out that the previous stylist was killed for conspiring against the Capitol with the rebellious pieces of his new collection. National television, however, attributed his death to cancer.

"Who are you teamed up with? Maybe I am in charge of his hair two", she jokes.

"His name is Sawamura, he's from district one" 

"Oh...I don't think he's on my list. Poor guy...his head will never be graced by my magic hands.", she remarks with a dramatic sigh. "Do you guys get along?"

_ Do we ever. _

"Yeah, I guess."

Their chat stops abruptly, in order for Kaori to focus and perfect her last snips, removing excess hair and applying some finishing touches.

After she removed the bib-like cloth, she dried the remaining tufts and after placing them carefully like a work of art she declares: 

"Done! Wow, it really suits you!" 

At the sight of his finished coiffure, he almost couldn't recognize himself. 

He certainly could distinguish a change in his appearance, his face renewed with a never before seen maturity. Most of his hair is gone, transfusing a paleness to his face and highlighting his honey brown orbs. 

It's...different.

_ I'm different,  _ it hits him.

"Thanks", helooks at her through the mirror, his features radiating genuine satisfaction.  


_ Thanks...Thank you... _

_ What day is it? _

He mentally counts the days and nights he's spent in the Capitol, heart suddenly pounding at the thought of forgetting.

Thursday.

_ Oh thank God. _

"Um, again thank you so much, I-"

"No problem! We'll keep in touch since I'm your stylist, so I'll see you soon! Sorry I'm in such a hurry", she says as she starts organising everything she took out of place while giving Koushi a haircut, "but I have another appointment so you gotta move it bro..."

She masks her uneasiness with an airy laugh. 

Koushi immediately gets up at that, walking outside. "No, don't worry about it. Just...do you know if there's a prayer room in the hotel?"

~*~

 

It's considered family tradition by now. Every Thursday night they gather around the table, join hands and talk about their day, mention the high and low points, express their thanks and pray for whatever was troubling them. 

Koushi's mother decided to incorporate this habit ever since her children lost their father - and she also said her last goodbye to her husband- and the atmosphere was slowly becoming too suffocating to handle. It started slow, each one hesitant to share their thoughts -and fears- about the future, but it wasn't long before tears were shed and replaced by hopeful smiles. 

They talk about many things: some major and some trivial, but essential for the weekly ritual nonetheless. It's important to express yourself, even if you have nothing in particular to say. This method is not completely effective, after all Koushi and Suzume always try to protect each other, concealing any worrisome thoughts that gnaw at their insides in fear of troubling the other. Their mother, however, is always a safe sanctuary.

_ Was _ , he corrects himself, suddenly feeling lonelier than he has even felt during the last couple of days. 

He can't help but wonder whether their previous session is going to be his last.

He has a tendency of doing that lately.

Walking with heavy limbs into the prayer room -which miraculously exists in this hellhole- he quickly spots the corner filled with pictures of saints, some candles standing on a small metallic bowl filled with sand and placed on a wooden coffee table and a few stools. Before approaching towards the piece of the room dedicated to Christianity, he takes in the rest of the space, identifying some symbols and failing to recognise most. The vast majority of District 11 are Orthodox Christians and very devoted ones at that. 

It's only sane to turn to religion when every other aspect of life is falling apart and betraying you.

He himself struggles to serve the Lord and follow every word of the Bible, but he sees a superior entity as a comforting force during difficult times like this. 

He isn't completely alone, even though he is well aware that the Church would never accept him the way he truly is. 

He believes that God will. 

He hopes that God will. 

There's something soothing about the deafening silence that surrounds him when he shuts the door. His feet drag slightly as he walks on the grey carpet covering the floor in its whole surface and sits right next to the makeshift candle holder, thanking the heavens above that noone thought of coming here at the same time as him.

He raises a candle with trembling hands and brings it close to an already lit one, catching fire and burning slowly as he settles it right beside the rest of them, saying a prayer.

_ God, please keep my family safe and fed. Give them strength. Give me strength as well.  _

In his state of uncertainty, he feels sure about one thing and one thing only as he recites internally with his eyes closed:

_Our Father who art in heaven,_

_ hallowed be thy name. _

_ Thy kingdom come. _

_ Thy will be done _

_ on earth as it is in heaven. _

_ Give us this day our daily bread, _

_ and forgive us our trespasses, _

_ as we forgive those who trespass against us, _

_ and lead us not into temptation, _

_ but deliver us from evil.  _

_ By the prayers of our Holy Fathers,  _

_ Lord Jesus Christ, our God, _

_have mercy upon us and save us._

_ Ame- _

A loud crash jolts him aware, causing him to nearly fall off as irritation grows thicker in his bones. 

And then the door opens.

"Sugawara-kun, what a pleasant surprise!" words of honey echo through the mostly empty room, disrupting any peace and quiet he had managed to find. 

Sure enough, when he turns his head to glare at him, he is met with a face splitting grin and fierce brownish hair, this time a bit shorter and splayed in a more sophisticated manner on his head, glistening with waves of blond highlights.

His expression must be flooding with rage, Koushi realises as he sees Oikawa's triumphant face. 

But he won't allow him to win.

"Could you keep it down? This is a prayer room", he whispers repremandingly, trying desperately to remain calm. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" he borderline screams, unfased by Koushi's discreet complaint. "I was just looking for you and I'm so happy I found you! Where were you all day?", he asks nonchalantly.

Today Koushi has managed to sleep a grand total of four hours, which, compared to previous attempts was just fine. He even tricked himself into feeling refreshed this morning. He stayed up all night, his racing thoughts keeping him alert no matter what he tried to sooth his anxiousness.

He guesses it's because among the things that cause him a suffocating feeling in bed at night is his and his family's safety. 

However early in the morning his muscles finally loosened up, followed by his droopy eyelids. He was woken up by Yamaguchi an hour before his appointment in order to get ready and eat breakfast without hurrying.

But that's none of Oikawa's business.

"I was at the hairdresser's", he replies as he gets up to exit the room. 

If Oikawa was willing to be noisy, Koushi should make sure he annoys him and only him. There might be someone who wants to sit here and be left alone with their toughts. 

Someone other than him, who was rudely interrupted. 

"Ohh, I see.", Oikawa murmurs following trailing after him like a puppy. "Oh right! That big mop of hair is gone! You look so stylish now."

"Thanks", the other boy replies shortly, having made his mind to walk towards the hotel lobby. 

There is a regulation that forbids tributes who are not on the same team to meet in each others rooms. All interaction must happen outside their private appartments. 

When first told that such rule exists Koushi pondered upon  how many people have been killed before they even competed in the Games before this modification.

He is grateful for its existence.

That, however, does not mean he intends on letting Oikawa know in which floor he is staying. 

It's not really that difficult to find out. The teams stay on the floor that has the same number as one of the tribute's districts.

In this case, Koushi and Sawamura's appartment is situated at the eleventh storey, whereas Michimiya and Hinata's at the first. 

All it takes is a ride with the elevator and a knock on the door to locate him. He supposes that the older boy will eventually snoop around and find them, if he hasn't done it already. 

One can hope. 

"So..." Oikawa says stretching the o while jogging slightly to catch up with Koushi. "Have you guys thought about my proposal?" 

He plays along as he wracks his head for a way to get rid of him and go back to his room to rest. 

"Not really. Sorry, things are quite hectic and once me and Sawamura get done with practice we hit the pillow instantly", he answers sounding quite distracted. 

"Oh, come on, Sugawara-kun~", Oikawa whines, slinging an arm over Koushi's shoulders. "Don't be so stiff! Think of all the fun we could have!" 

The gesture made the silver haired boy realise how much strength and size Oikawa holds over him. It would be almost impossible to beat him in a fistfight. 

"Sawamura told you we'll think about it, be patient", he retorts with a forced laugh, avoiding eye contact. 

_ Speaking of Sawamura _ ...

"By the way, do you know where he is?", Koushi inquires. Oikawa might have come to nag him after annoying Sawamura. After all Koushi hasn't seen him all day.

"Sawamura? No... I thought you would know his  _ exact  _ location for sure ", Oikawa replies with a sultry tone, giving Koushi a knowing look. 

_ Of course Kuroo told him. _

"No, actually", Koushi deadpans.

Looking at his future opponent's face it becomes clear to him that he has lost the little game they were playing.

Feeling tired of the whole conversation, he decides it's time to make up an excuse and leave.

"Anyway, I think I'm gonna head up. Lunch should be ready in a few so..." he says and slowly makes his way to the elevator.

"Okay! I actually have to go too, arranged practice with Kuroo. Tell Sawamura-kun I said hi~" Oikawa yells as Koushi presses the call button repeatedly. 

Upon the closing of the metallic doors, he exhales loudly. 

Putting up a front is hard. 

The fact that he also didn't get a chance to finish praying sends prickles of guilt down his spine.

He wonders what his family might be doing right now.

He wonders whether his mother and sister miss him as much as he misses them. 

He hopes not.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand that's about it XD  
> I hope you liked it~  
> idk I really liked the idea o Suga being religious and the exact thing that has supposedly helped him overcome his difficulties also making him not love himself completely  
> I would like to know your thoughts on this one  
> also I don't remember if I've said this before Oikawa stans I'm sorry but he's going to be the bitch of the plot (among others XD)  
> I don't know if I will be able to post another chapter before going onto another almost-year hiatus... :( I will try my best  
> As always your opinion on the story is highly valued, as is your observance since my editing skills are poop.   
> If you have any interesting headcanons I would love to read about them and potentially incorporate them into the story  
> love yall <3  
> (p.s. are any of you bts twice or blackpink fans? if yes kindly let me know so that we can fangirl together 


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